So now that we've farted around each other..Where's this relationship going?

We had our first date...made it through the first kiss..you've seen me naked with the lights on..I know we agreed to take it slow, but I just pooted and  I need to know where we go from here...

I know I haven't met your mama, and your granny don't like Island girls, but you just smelled the worst of me, and I'm feeling real vulnerable right now. Up until this point, you've only known the fly, confident, sassy, sexy version of me...Now you know the side of me who has a love/ hate relationship with dairy..

Now even though we've done everything else, and you know me "inside and out"...this poot changes the game...

Please don't think I did this to trap you. If I could take it back, I promise I would. I tried to excuse myself, but like a secret told to a drunken friend, it slipped out. Now, I feel like we need to clear the air, since I've permeated it with the scent of old cabbage. 

We've been getting along great, we have an amazing connection...don't let this come between us. 

Does Your Mama know that your Twitter name is @Cum_in_my_face?

I'm officially old..You know you're old when you hate young people for no reason...it starts off with something simple, like shaking your head when you see a chick in Walmart with her ass hanging out..When just a few short years ago, before the c-sections and stretch marks, that was your ass hanging out! Phase two of the Golden Girl transformation happens when you see a group of young guys minding their own business and you think "those lil bastard are up to no damn good"...The last and final phase of Geezer Conversion is when you automatically assume that anyone under 25 is high at all times...the youngster can ask a simple question, and you respond with belligerent paranoia, correction, and judgment..Example...Youngster: "Ma'am/Sir, do you need me to get that shopping cart for you?? You: "Why are you staring at me? Pull your goddamn pants up! You shoving ecastasy pills up your ass? I watch dateline, dammit!"

While others may look at this as a bad thing, I embrace it! I'm not writing from a place of regret, but to merely let the dope smokin hooligans and hussies out there know, I'm on to you lil bastards. Your fancy text styles sayin shit l!k3 thiz ain't foolin me!